To my fellow Bourbon Democrats and interested Mugwumps,

This afternoon, our campaign pedaled out of Denver on our way to the Badlands. It was a brief stop, but long enough to smell the stench of corruption still hovering over the town. In my long political career, I have never seen such underworld intimidation. While there are good, honest citizens in this capital city, a great many of these upstanding Coloradans fear for their lives and livelihoods in the shadow of corrupt city bosses. 

J.R. "Soapy" Smith has now been driven out of the city, but his fetid presence still lingers. For years, Soapy and his notorious gang ran Denver from their wretched Tivoli Club at 17th and Market. The ostentatious little werewolf is a con artist, plain and simple, and he built his empire out of fraud. He scammed naïfs who'd never seen a creature of the night before; he amassed wealth and influence; he bribed police officers, politicians, and otherwise-legitimate businessmen. Even his charitable efforts boiled my blood, once I considered the unconscionable methods by which he acquired his means. He is a Republican on paper, but a scoundrel in reality. He gives a bad name to decent, God-fearing werewolves everywhere.

Scum like Soapy threaten the very fabric of society, and I have fought hard against such city bosses throughout my career. As Mayor of Buffalo, I ruffled my share of feathers among the Republican elites who would govern the city by fiat. Upon my election as Governor of New York, I fought members of my own party to bring down Tammany Hall. My compatriots and I paid a price for standing by principle, with Boss Tweed sending his colony of bloodsuckers up to Albany. I am proud to say that we never wavered from conscience, and that good people across our land likewise stand firm every day. From Dover to Denver, we must listen to the angels of our better nature if we are to have the America our Lord desires for us. Corruption anywhere is a threat to decency everywhere.

Anytime you stand up against corruption and anti-democratic principles, whether at home or abroad, know that our administration will stand with you!

Grover Cleveland